A Loyalty Libation

Loyalty is a funny thing.  And honestly, I’m struggling with it. Not in my own loyalty to others, but rather their loyalty to me.

And, as I’ve learned about myself, writing can be the cork popper… the release of whatever pressure exists.  But like the champagne bottle, I have to twist carefully… methodically– never really sure when that release will occur. Sometimes it is the serendipitous pop at the perfect time in grand fashion. Sometimes it’s weak and what’s inside falls flat. And sometimes, unexpectedly, it fires across the room and unintentionally injures another or breaks something. But, nevertheless, I write in hope of finding the effervescent clarity and welcomed buzz of introspection.

So a few Pinterest-worthy musings about LOYALTY…

Loyalty is defined as “showing firm and constant support or allegiance for a person or institution.”  Can you really divide your loyalty?  If I think about loyalty to an institution, my answer is quickly “yes”… as I support both the Tennessee Volunteers and the Virginia Tech Hokies.  But if pushed in conversation about where my true allegiance lies, I can easily say– GO VOLS! That said, if my loyalty declaration determined my paycheck– meaning if I had to declare my  loyalty to remain employed at Virginia Tech, would I be so steadfast? Probably not.  

Some people aren’t loyal to you.  They are loyal to their need of you… once their needs change, so does their loyalty.

It’s a quandary for sure.  And it becomes far more complex when we’re talking human beings over everything else.  Now, I’m not about to say that my loyalties are absolute, but I do believe them to be steadfast.  My moral compass is pretty darn strong. Family should have your back ALWAYS– period.  TRUE friendships are rare and should be vigilantly protected.  So I become miffed when I believe an alliance to be clear and another is seemingly unaware, or operates from a place of neutrality to stay in their comfort zone or salvage their own image.  I get flat pissed off when they have total disregard for reciprocal loyalty, boldly carrying some imaginary immunity idol they believe protects them from the elimination of our relationship.

WELL, POP THE CORK!  THERE IT IS!

Reciprocity.  

The lack of reciprocity is what makes loyalty so challenging.  Can I be loyal to someone if they aren’t loyal in return?  My experience tells me this is a disappointing endeavor.

So how do I navigate relationships where loyalty isn’t reciprocal?  Hell, how do I navigate relationships where (insert ANY word) isn’t reciprocal?  I think the answer is to be fully aware of the type of relationship that exists.  And maybe to redefine the relationship so as to re-classify my expectations.  If a relationship is a shared connection, what is the connection?  Is it a single worn wool thread or a thick buckypaper-wrapped braid of diamonds? (Go ahead, Google it… I suggest your search consist of something akin to weakest and strongest materials known to man.  You’re welcome.)

Acquaintances are not friends.  Friendships come in  layers of complexity and commitment.  And sadly, family isn’t always faithful. Few things exists on solely a binary, nothing is black or white.  And, well, to quote my momma… 

Life’s not fair, get over it.

The point is… and one day I swear I’m going to “get it” innately instead of re-learning it the hard way in numerous capacities over and over again… I cannot control other people. BUT, I can control MY emotions, MY actions, and how I respond to them.  I can decide how much of MY time, energy, and attention they are going to receive.  I can determine what relationship classification they receive in MY life.  And I can define MY own expectations (or lack there of) regarding their loyalty to me.

I think it is sad to expect less of some people, but it’s not nearly as sad as expecting more and being constantly let down.