Just Do You

Theoretically, social media is what is keeping us going at this time, during the COVID-19 pandemic… online classes, Zoom meetings, FaceTiming with friends, mindless scrolling, YouTube videos that make you laugh, TikToks that make you dance, pinning things to Pinterest boards, and not missing an Instagram story for those you follow. But just as it does when we are not social distancing and quarantined in our own homes, social media can increase feelings of stress and anxiety while lowering overall well-being. We can feel further isolated. We can personalize and internalize what we perceive as other’s judgements about good/bad, right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable.

I’ve never been good at a “just do you” mindset… I’ve been plagued my entire life with a need to please others. Perfection is the unattainable burden that I wake each morning thinking I can achieve. I know it is unreasonable, not to mention unrealistic… and yet.

So, I’m writing this as a means of self-forgiveness. I’m writing it because sometimes “saying” it out loud can help make it true. And I’m writing it because maybe, just maybe, someone else needs to hear it.

You are kicking ass!

And, by that, I mean you are doing WAY better than just “your best.” You are killing it. Really. You are! You are doing like 22 jobs. You are keeping yourself, other people, and perhaps furry creatures fed and alive… and I’m betting the police, nor social services, nor animal control have appeared at your door.

You are beautiful!

Yes, YOU! Even in your worn-all-day pajamas or three-day old t-shirt… even with no make-up and the roots growing in on your head of hair or your beard overgrown and your buzz cut too long… you are beautiful! Think about how our skin, hair, and nails will improve without the products, heat damage, and chemicals. Sure, we could look back on COVID-19 like the Freshman 15, but maybe we’ll emerge healthier than ever… listening to the rhythm and needs of our bodies instead of some prescribed schedule. Besides, true beauty is on the inside—the gentleness of our thoughts, the kindness of our hearts, the goodness in our deeds, and the grace we extend—and I’ve seen that in spades of late.

You are brilliant!

I know, I know. I feel like I’m not smarter than a 5^th grader either. Or a 7^th grader. Or a 2^nd grader. But the best learning is collaborative, not didactic. Think about the confidence your child gains when they teach YOU something. Think about their admiration when you help them with something they don’t quite understand. Your children are amazing creatures, incredible little human beings… and YOU did that, you made them! Freaking amazing little humans! (Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want lock myself in the closet with a box of Thin Mints and a bottle of whiskey to escape mine too… but damn I love them.)

You are in control!

It doesn’t feel like we have any control right now, but we do… so much more than we think. If you want to set some boundaries to stay sane—do it! You don’t have to turn the video on for your work Zoom meeting. You don’t have to have a strict homeschooling schedule for your kids. Make your own rules within the sphere of influence that you have. When we are stuck at home and yet school and work must enter our sacred spaces by demands outside of our control… we—YOU—get to decide how that happens. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to defend yourself. You are the king/queen of your castle.

Finally…

And don’t apologize for it.

The world is a little crazy and scary right now. You’re stuck at home. If you want ice cream for breakfast, scoop it. If you think it’s warm enough to tan in your back yard, why not? You want to build a fort with your kids instead of writing a strategic plan? Call it research and pre-design. Color, play board games, have a dance party, meditate, or maybe plan a theme dinner for your family. Have Netflix? If so, watch “Tiger King” (because that shit is way crazier than whatever you’ve got going on). Got a streaming music service like Spotify or Apple Music? Perhaps build a quarantine or pandemic playlist (you’d be amazed how many songs are applicable). Or do something REALLY old school like pen a note and use a stamp to mail a letter to a friend or loved one.

In short, release yourself from the should, would, could wishes of what use to be… and lean into the now. You might just surprise yourself.