Stupid Perceptions

I’ve been doing a lot of reading, writing, and coloring given COVID-19 and my best adherence to self-distancing. Virginia’s governor upped the ante yesterday when he gave stay-at-home orders. Executive Order #55 says we should basically home quarantine “until June 10, 2020, unless amended or rescinded by further executive order.”

OUCH. 72 days. That’s a long-ass time. But as noted in a previous blog, we can choose love or fear.

Psst…

As I was enjoying my morning joe and reading, I came across a citation about a Dove study on self-esteem, body image, and body confidence. I was intrigued. As the mom of three daughters, and as a woman myself who struggles with such, I wanted to know more.

You can certainly go and read Dove’s research, but allow me to pull out a few stats verbatim for those who desire a TL;DR version…

• Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful
• Only 11% of girls globally are comfortable describing themselves as ‘beautiful’
• 72% of girls feel tremendous pressure to be beautiful
• 80% of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful, but do not see their own beauty
• More than half of women globally (54%) agree that when it comes to how they look, they are their own worst beauty critic

These stats got me thinking. I have 72 days of at-home, no one to impress, get to “just be me” time. How might I use that to impact my own thinking, and that of my daughters, in a powerful way? I decided to Google, “how long does it take to create a new habit?” I had once heard 21 or 28 days… but I wanted more concrete info.

It seems my sense of timing was good. It takes, on average, 66 days to form a new habit! Now, that’s an average, the range is 18 to 254. While I may be closer to the 66+ day number because I’m working against 42+ years of “me-ness” (meanness?), my girls are only up against 7-13 years of influence.

I’m hopeful (which feels nice right now). Maybe I’m onto something here.

I pondered the things I’ve said and read in just the last two weeks of social distancing. While I’ve tried to lean into the positives and possibilities, I’ve also joked about COVID-19 being the new Freshman 15. I posted a picture of my bare (very sad, non-colorful) nails on social media. I’ve talked about how happy I am to have let my hair go “grombre” before it was cool (aka: forced by default of salons closing).

I’ve also witnessed women be mean to themselves. As I think about the comments, they all stem from a place of meeting the expectations of others. But whose expectations? Society? Our loved ones? Our own after years of conditioning, complying, and conceding?

Perhaps we should adopt Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” (even if you think you look like hell) as our pandemic-inspired personal self-love anthem. Anyone want to join me?

Admittedly, you probably shouldn’t walk your fine ass (and, girl, it is FINE!) out the door without making sure you’re adhering to any stay-home orders, but maybe there is some inspiration here.

Woo child, tired of the bullshit
Go on dust your shoulders off, keep it moving
Yes Lord, tryna get some new shit
In there, swimwear, going to the pool shit
Come now, come dry your eyes
You know you a star, you can touch the sky
I know that it’s hard but you have to try
If you need advice, let me simplify

What if the “he” in the song is the (gender-neutral) critical voice in your head? If the “pool shit” is all the things you think and tell yourself about your body? (I can’t name a time when I’m meaner to myself than when I must wear a swimsuit.)

Woo girl, need to kick off your shoes
Got to take a deep breath, time to focus on you

YES! When else in our lives have we been able to focus on ourselves without so many other competing priorities, demands, and influences?

Boss up and change your life
You can have it all, no sacrifice
I know he did you wrong, we can make it right
So go and let it all hang out tonight

You know when I’m feeling good as hell? When it all hangs out. (Cheesy grin emerges.)

I love when I can rid myself of some of those expectations… like my bra. Don’t even get me started on what I think about panty hose or tights. Or, when I can be in yoga pants, Lularoe leggings, or PJs all day and just not care (like, um, yesterday today the past two weeks).

I love showers in the summer after a long day at the lake or beach when I just let my hair air dry naturally… when I don’t put on any makeup yet have a sun-kissed glow. I like eating a pizza because I’m hungry and it tastes good and not regret every calorie I’m consuming. I like staying up late, sleeping in, getting work done in the way I am most productive.

I could probably go on for days with examples. I’m betting you could too.

Who made these rules about wearing a bra, hose, or even underwear? Why do we think ourselves more beautiful with makeup? Why do we feel compelled to put on “work clothes” when we are working from the comfort of our home just because we might be seen on a video conferencing screen?

Why do we hesitate to break these rules… or feel bad/guilty/inadequate if we do?

I guess I just wonder what we might achieve if we all weren’t saddled with how we’re perceived?

Oh, Snap! BAM! I think I’ll just stop right there.

PS: