No Medals for Suffering

Olympian, gold medalist, most decorated U.S. gymnast ever, and all-around bad ass Simone Biles has been in the headlines non-stop for the past two weeks. Not for the gold medals she was predicted to win, but because she chose her health and well-being over her accomplishments.

She chose herself over the expectations of others.

If you are a follower of my blog, you may have seen the prior post talking about my feelings related to my oldest daughter, who is 14 years old, going to New York City to participate in the Joffrey Ballet School’s SPECTRUM Jazz and Contemporary Summer Intensive. She was supposed to be there two weeks. She only stayed for one.

I’ve no desire to over-share my daughter’s personal life on this blog, so the specifics and circumstances surrounding this decision have no place here, but it did make me think about the origins of the phrase…

What I very quickly understood was this is much more than a phrase. It’s a philosophy, a mantra. Hell, it’s pretty much a societal directive. After a series of web searches offered nothing with regard to where it originated– other than a largely unhelpful (and, admittedly, unknown to me) Van Halen song by the same name that came out when I was eleven– Google did offer a plethora of support for the phrase.

Now, let me be clear… I am not a procrastinator. I live by checklists. It’s fair to say I’m known for getting shit done. By and large, I’ve tended to believe and adhere to the idea of finishing what you start… until now. I mean I still support the concept… generally speaking. I expect people to be true to their word. Integrity is a value I uphold. Commitments made are important to keep. BUT…

When did what other people think matter more than what we, ourselves, feel?

What if what you started no longer serves you?

What if finishing could actually hurt you (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.)?

The silliest analogy I’ve come up with in all my consideration of this topic is eating. I’ll acknowledge upfront and with hindsight and education that the following statement is wrong on numerous fronts… but, that said, I often heard “there are starving children in Africa” at mealtimes growing up.

In short, and more politically correct, I was raised to be a member of the “clean plate club.” I was expected to eat everything on my plate. Why did the conversation not focus on listening to our bodies, learning the signs of “fullness,” and only taking what we were sure we could initially eat?

It was in all this internet prowling and soul searching that I came across the concept of “multipotentiality.” It’s a big word. Emilie Wapnick coined it and, to learn more, you should check out her TED Talk or her book.

It was a post on her website, Puttylike, titled “Why You Shouldn’t Finish What You Start” that initially caught my attention… mostly because it was the ONLY thing I COULD find that supported NOT finishing. For the lovers of random learning, feel free to do a deep dive into the concept of multipotentiality. It isn’t a direct link to the rabbit hole I was down, but I was hooked.

For me, here is what resonated…

“To a specialist, finishing means hitting an external end point, like obtaining a degree, or even devoting your life to one path…

“Anything short of mastery is seen as a failure–as giving up.

“To a multipotentialite, however, finishing looks very different. As Barbara Sher discusses in her amazing book, Refuse to Choose, finishing simply means that you got what you came for…

“It helps to know what your goals are before embarking down a new path. That way you’ll know for yourself when you’ve hit your end point, and you won’t inadvertently start applying someone else’s definition of finished…”

I know most of my (very few) readers will likely go, “Huh. Interesting.” and then they’ll move on about their day and probably never consider it again. I, however, haven’t stopped thinking about it. Mostly because of my daughter. Reiterated by Simone’s courage.

We could ask ourselves, “Who benefits from my pushing through just to claim completion?” We could all probably provide an answer; but, how might our thinking change—our decision-making change– if we asked instead, “Who suffers from my pushing through? What is at risk to finish what I’ve started?”

The answer is Other vs. Self… and last I checked, there were no medals for suffering.

Thank you, Simone, for being the example we need… for the conversation we must continue.