One Year Later

November 1.

Damn there is a lot that happens… or not… in a year.

365 days ago right now (I’m typing at 5:15 p.m.) I walked out of my office as the Director of Communications for Student Affairs at Virginia Tech. I’d only been in that particular position for three years, but at the university for more than 18 years.

I moved to Blacksburg at 23 years old. Over the next 18 years, I had a variety of incredible positions, amazing colleagues, and I experienced some pretty darn remarkable things. As the only non-graduate of Virginia Tech in my immediate family, I paid enough dues to earn official Hokie status… at least in the eyes of current University President, Dr. Tim Sands. I also married, had three children, and divorced. Life hadn’t exactly gone as I’d planned… but I’d also learned it rarely does.

After several challenging years, the year prior to my departure had been the hardest… which says a lot given I was at Virginia Tech during the 2007 shooting. Rehashing the reasons isn’t necessary here, but I’d reached a crossroads. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted, burned out, beat up, and worn down. Something had to change.

But when you are raised on the values of work ethic and reputation, walking away from a good-paying job… leaving an employer after nearly two decades… and doing so without a plan, at least not one that comes with a paycheck and health insurance… well, that was more than difficult.

I debated. I struggled. I justified. I rationalized. I tried to stay. And, ultimately, I knew I had to make a change. I had to leave.

I was reminded of a quote about the “three C’s” in life:

You must take a chance, to make a choice, or your life will never change.

While I haven’t decided quite yet if I took a small step or a giant leap, I am absolutely certain that my life has changed… for the better. Ironically, thanks to the shit storm that has been 2020 and a global pandemic to boot… I’d say I had some pretty impeccable timing and unknowing foresight.

I left for many reasons, but my children and my health were at the top of the list. That hasn’t changed. In fact, this year has proven to me… a thousand times over… that I made the right decision.

Has it been easy? No. Have I settled in? Nope. But, has it been incredible? Abso-freaking-lutely! And I am so, so, so very grateful and appreciative to be able to do so. That is not… and has not… been lost on me at any point over the past year.

So let’s see… a Cliff Notes version update is as follows:

• I was accepted to the UNC Chapel Hill MBA program. I turned them down. They didn’t accept me as a undergrad, so getting into their Master’s program proved reward enough. And, I discovered that a large part of my pursuit was simply to please other people while also having an “acceptable” next endeavor response to, “So, Hunter, what are you going to do next?”
• Writing a book is hard work… but I’m working on two now, not just one. The first is a memoir counter-narrative about growing up in Appalachia. There are actual words on paper for that one, along with research underway, and loads of motivation (given J.D. Vance’s Hillbilly Elegy is going from book to the big screen this month). The second (the original book inspiration) is a novel (fiction) about the complex and beautiful relationships that exist between mothers, daughters, and sisters. This one consists of index cards taped to the wall, outlines, character descriptions, random notes, and daily inspiration. Both will happen. My commitment is to “trust the process” and, as much as possible, trust myself.
• I accepted a part-time job that I was really excited about in late February as a project manager for the ACCelerate Creativity and Innovation Festival. This exciting partnership between Virginia Tech and the Smithsonian Institute, however, was postponed due to COVID-19 from spring 2021 to spring 2022… resulting, understandably, in my position being eliminated.
• I am a trained and approved substitute for Montgomery County Public Schools. That, in the age of COVID, has also been an interesting endeavor. And, luckily, one in which I get to decide the schedule and commitment. My first experience, subbing for the middle-school ESL (English as a second language) class, was… humbling. Spanish- check. Albanian- not so much.
• I have read more books in one year than ever before… so exciting!; AND…
• I’ve overhauled this blog (with some help) AND I’m launching a photography business/side-hobby (to be determined) called GlitterLens Photography.

As for the Trifecta… my three amazing daughters who are, without a doubt, my priority… I am EXACTLY where I need to be! I could never have imagined what this year would look like– could anyone?— but there has NEVER been a more important moment for me to be present for and with my children. With 100% home schooling as of March, I can admit that middle school was a long time ago for me, I am not as smart as a 5th grader, and being a 2nd (or 3rd) grade teacher is not my future.

That said, we’ve had theme nights, family TikToks, nightly dinners, card games, dance parties, and more memories made in one year that I could have ever predicted. We even made freezer jam! My girls are closer to each other, our family bond is stronger, and our health is in tact. Just thinking about it makes me smile. My heart is so full!

Sometimes you will never know the power of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Dr. Seuss

In this case, I know that my full presence and availability to them over this past year (and at present) has been one of the most important things I’ve ever done… for so many reasons. When I was a new mom many years ago, I asked my friend’s mother what she thought the most critical stage of child rearing was. She said, “When they are a bit older… middle school and high school. That’s when they need to know you are present, interested, and available.” I’ve never forgotten such. I was reminded (and appreciative) of that wisdom many times over this past year.

This brings me to the most unexpectedly fabulous part of my past 365 days. Stick with me…

Upon the announcement of my resignation, I received many kind notes. I reviewed some of them today, and they were as poignant and special today as when I received them. But, it was the card I received in the mail this weekend that has meant the most. In part, the card was meaningful because someone not only thought of me, but took time to mail me a card knowing the one-year anniversary was (admittedly) something I was dreading (damn those expectations we have for ourselves).

The measure of a year is in the ways we have learned to love.

The contents of the card are even more special and, also, not words I wish to share. The reality? This individual is spot on. I had once said to her, “My picker is broken.” I was referring to relationships… specifically, men. She told me at that time that she didn’t think “my picker was broken,” but rather that maybe I just needed to slow down a bit… be open to love… know that I was worthy of it… take time to receive and accept it.

If there is one thing from the past 365 days that was a surprise… and truly meaningful (beyond being 100% present for my girls)… it’s that I’ve found love. I’ve loved before, and they were each special… meaningful. With each, I hold special memories. I grew as a person. I’m a better partner because of those prior relationships.

That said, when I “swiped right” in mid-January on a man I knew of from my prior role at Virginia Tech, I had no idea what would happen. Honestly, I knew he was funny. I knew he was a Vol. And, I definitely thought he was attractive. After some of the online dating “dates” I’d been on, I figured I’d at least enjoy a few drinks and the company. What I got was SO MUCH MORE!

I found a partner… an emotionally mature and available man. I found someone who hasn’t had it easy, but has done his own work to be the best version of himself. I found someone who ALWAYS makes me laugh… who not only entertains, but educates, me on the daily. He’s freaky brilliant, well-read, and insightful. We never lack for conversation… or sarcasm. He gives incredible hugs. He listens, supports, and is my champion on the daily. He loves my girls, and also holds their best interests at heart.

We both have been hurt before. We both have things we’d do differently; but, we also know that we’ve grown from every experience– good, bad, and re-evaluated after-the-fact. I could gush for days, but I won’t… because one of the things I’ve also learned over these past 365 days is that this life is mine and mine alone. I don’t have to ask permission for it, nor explain it. I decide for and answer to me. Only me. This life is mine and mine alone.

In short, I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. I am happy, healthy, and surrounded by love… as are my girls. This has been hard year– for so many people– but I am so grateful, thankful, and appreciative for each and every single day.

Cheers to the next 365! May we all remain healthy, seek happy, and be open to possibility!